The Rewards May Be Later But The Gift Is Now
Stop waiting for the rewards and start paying attention.
We all want the rewards. Some of us want them as a return for our labor, or effort, or the things we are creating. Some of us want the rewards for life, whatever we think those are. We want to be paid and recognized. We want want we deserve, or what we are owed, depending on your mindset. We want to be happy and successful, based on our own definition of the words.
Most of us want them, and we want them now. We want them now, but we know (or hope?) that they are somewhere down the line. They’ll arrive when the kids get a little bit older and quit acting like their terrible two’s phase might last forever. Maybe they’ll come on that day our boss walks in and tells us that he finally noticed how awesome we are and decides to pay us at a rate that matches our undeniable value to the organization. We know they’ll come once we have a certain amount of money, time, or things that will really fulfill us.
We’ll get what we deserve. Later.
As an athlete in high school, I remember always thinking that next year would be different. When I was a freshman, I was fortunate enough to travel with the varsity team, dress out, then sit on the bench and watch other people play basketball. I was always on the edge of the chair, ready to go in if called. Some of the other guys on the team were not quite as engaged, and like to screw around during the games, knowing that they wouldn’t go in. One of the ways they did this was to play up to my intensity and interest, by occasionally calling down to the end of the bench, “Bryan, Bryan, coach wants you!”
Of course, I’d hustle down, starting to take off my warmups, only to meet the face of a much less amused, much more intense man who had no idea why I was standing there and without a word, communicated that I should go back to my spot near the water cooler. Next year, I thought, will be different. I will be a sophomore then, and I’ll be playing.
Next year eventually came, and I did play. But not solely becuase of the passage of time.
Next year, I’ll be a junior, an upperclassman. I’ll get the ball more, I’ll score more, I may even be starting. Yeah, I’ll start next year, because I’ll be a year older. Colleges will be calling by then. Next year will be great.
Of course, the trouble with “next year” type thinking, is that next year never arrives. Looking forward to my senior year:
I’ll be a senior next year. This will be my team. I’ll outwork everyone, set the tone, make us have a great year. No one will question my leadership next year, because next year, I’ll be a senior.
I thought that through the passage of time, mostly, things would be different. I would be bigger, faster, and stronger as I got older. My skills would be better as I moved up a class. The people “above” me were better because they were older, so when I got older, I’d be better too.
I had a fine “career”, if you want to call it that, as a high school basketball player. I enjoyed it and have fond memories surrounding the experience. But I do remember the immaturity and lack of vision of my teenage brain and perspective, which I guess, is to be expected.
Unfortunately, this immaturity and lack of vision isn’t just for the teenage brain. Many of us hold onto this perspective as well.
We’ll have everything we want, later. Life will be better for us, later. When X happens then will be (happ)Y. At some unknown point in the future when the dots are connected, the starts are aligned, we’ll be discovered, appreciated, or rewarded and then things will really start to fall into place.
Time will not deliver us from our struggles. In fact, not to be a downer, the truth is it will probably bring more. However, and this is the secret to help us move from the waiting and wanting into the living and enjoying: Time will also bring us more gifts. If we’ll shift our perspective, we’ll understand that it’s not the rewards we should be waiting on later, it’s the gifts we should be enjoying now.
Your kids may not be at the angelic, subordinate, clean, responsible place that you would like them to be and that you hope they will be, later. But what they are is here, now. They are here for you to enjoy and for them to enjoy you. Now, not later. Actually now, and later.
Later, if we do it right now, they’ll come back home for the holidays, with their children, or with their spouse, or from their successful career. Then we’ll experience the reward of a job well done, a life well lived, a child well parented. But we can’t let the waiting and hoping get in the way of living and enjoying, now.
Perhaps our work, our creating, our efforts will be noticed and rewarded at some point. Perhaps we will be successful in these pursuits, however we each decide to measure that. For all of us who are working, creating, and striving with integrity, passion, and diligence, I hope that is true.
But, it may not be true. We can’t always control what will happen later. We can’t always determine how, if, or when the rewards will come.
What we can control is how we honor the gifts we’ve been given right now. We can fully experience our current experience. We can allow ourselves to enjoy the creation, to appreciate the opportunity, to learn from everything we can while we are in the moment.
Jeff Goins writes about this concept in his book, The In-Between. If you haven’t read it I highly recommend it, as he speaks on this with much more depth and eloquence than I can. The idea, from my perspective, is that we don’t have later, we don’t have back then, we just have now. Goins calls this “the in-between”. It’s the time between one moment and the next, and it’s where we spend the majority of our lives and we can learn to honor this waiting time purposefully.
The only thing we have is now.
The rewards may or may not come. They likely will not come simply because time has passed. We’ll need to do the work, today. In the waiting for what’s next, for later, for the rewards that we are hoping for, let’s enjoy the gift of right now. Let’s immerse ourselves in what we are creating. Let’s get and remain present with our kids and our loved ones, and enjoy their gifts, their challenges, and their quirks, right now, rather than waiting on what might (or might not) come later.
The rewards may be later, but the gift is now.
I’m pulling for you,
Bryan
