How To Get (or Give) Permission
For right now, I’ve come up with 3 ways that we often get permission.
Waiting for permission.
Asking for permission.
Giving (or given) permission.
I was reminded of this while watching my son play soccer this weekend.
Waiting for Permission
I was reminded how some kids wait around to fully engage, or wait around to go all out, or wait around to do things the “right” way when they warm up. They are watching others. They want to see things unfold first before they decide just how they will play, practice, train, or prepare. There is a percentage, for sure, who are lazy, or less engaged and by nature, they are only going to do so much.
But for others, they are waiting on someone to give them permission to play full out, or be super aggressive, or to take things seriously. The permission is not always spoken, by child or adult. It’s often displayed and observed, and many times shown by those for whom it may come naturally or by those who have made some sort of decision themselves to give it their best.
For the permission seeker, this is the weakest of all of the ways. It’s waiting on someone else to prove to you that what you are seeking or feeling or wondering about is indeed okay. It usually takes a long time to get there when you are waiting on permission, because your internal dialogue is one of uncertainty and conflict, as you talk yourself into and out of permission. As you wait, you require a great deal of proof that the permission you seek has indeed been granted, and that you can move forward. Usually, once that happens, it’s not like a floodgate has been opened, it’s more like a slow trickle of water that can pick up pace over time.
Asking for Permission
A stronger approach is asking for permission. This kid is feeling the same uncertainty that the “waiter” is feeling. And they are asking the same questions, internally, that the “waiter” is asking. The difference is, this kid has the courage to ask his questions out loud. Maybe he asks his coach something to the effect of, “I noticed David doing _____, can I do that to?” or “When this happens, what should I do?” or “How do I handle ____?” They might ask a teammate, “How do keep going when you get tired?” or “Can you show me how you _____?”
Asking ensures that you get your questions answered. It’s more risky because you have to say out loud what you’ve been wondering about on the inside. If you keep it inside, and wait, you might be able to blend in and get your permission over time, by default. But if you ask, maybe someone thinks it’s a dumb question. Maybe someone refuses to answer. Maybe.
But maybe you get your answers. Maybe you build up the courage to ask more questions. Maybe you learn more faster. Maybe you earn the respect of your teammates, coach, boss, or colleagues.
And maybe, most powerfully of all, you Give Permission to someone else to do the same.
Giving Permission
This is the elite level of permission, and something that I believe everyone is capable of doing. When you know that the team needs to play harder, you have a choice. Wait around and see what others will do, encourage others to play hard or ask if it’s okay, or just show up and go as hard as you possibly can. In which case, you will undoubtedly give permission to those around you to do the same.
We can do this audibly, of course, going to someone and directly saying, “Hey, it’s okay if you______” as it relates to effort, culture.
This takes the most amount of courage and this, to me, is one of the greatest examples of leadership we can display. You can do this regardless of title, status, or playing time. It simply requires the courage answer someone’s question with authority and strength when someone asks for permission, approaching someone directly and granting them the permission that you see they need, or displaying that permission with your attitude and actions.
I wonder where you and I might be waiting for permission to act, to love, to care, to try? I wonder who we might need to ask for the permission we seek? I wonder who might be looking to us to give them some permission, or where we might step up and lead simply by having the courage to do so without someone else’s approval?
I’m pulling for you,
Bryan
I write encouragement on leadership, business, and personal development.
I help small business leaders lead, grow, and build in a way that is aligned with their values and sustainable.
You can learn more about me and check out my business coaching services at www.efournine.com.
