How NOT To Gain Clarity
We are, most of us I believe, emotional beings. We fall in “love” and lose our minds, sometimes in a good way, once we get the hang of it, but before then, often in a way that makes us embarrassed to recall the things we once did.
We get angry for reasons (the real reasons anyway) known only to our inner selves, and we release that anger on those poor, unknowing souls in our lives who deserve much better.
We get sad and mourn things, not that we have lost, but that we may have lost in advance. Things and opportunities that we had hoped for, but appear to be slipping through our hands. So we are sad and disappointed for what might have been.
Fear is often similar. We are scared in advance of the challenge, as we convince ourselves, our all knowing selves, that we “know” what is coming, how they will respond, and how it will all play out.
Our pride, how we want to be seen and heard and treated, gets in our way of taking action, salvaging relationships, or admitting our mistakes to both ourselves and others.
Our emotions can be blinding, if allowed to run amok, as they so often are, and they can prevent us from clarity. More importantly than clarity, and much more because I think clarity is extremely elusive and searched for far more often than it should be, our emotions keep us from moving forward.
They keep us from growth, they keep us from competing, they keep us from connecting, and they keep us from success.
Pause.
This is not to say that we should aim to be some emotionless beasts or that there is not value in joy, love, mourning, or even fear.
But when our emotions rule the roost, often times, we lose.
What then should we strive towards?
The Greek word is apatheia. I came upon this in my reading of The Obstacle Is The Way, by Ryan Holiday. He describes it as,
“The kind of calm equanimity that comes with the absence of irrational or extreme emotions. Not the loss of feeling altogether, just the loss of the harmful, unhelpful kind.”
And finally, a great question that we might all do well to remember, “Does getting upset provide you with more options?”
So, feel it, feel all of it. Just don’t pretend that your feeling it, displaying it, and sharing your feelings about it with others is the same as dealing with what’s in front of you. It may indeed by healthy and helpful for you to do all of the above. Perhaps it’s best to separate, when we can, the feeling and the dealing, so that we can see things more clearly, remove the obstacle of self, and move our best foot forward.
I’m pulling for you,
Bryan
I write encouragement on leadership, business, and personal development.
I help small business leaders lead, grow, and build in a way that is aligned with their values and sustainable.
You can learn more about me and check out my business coaching services at www.efournine.com.
