Curiousity > Assumptions
The local high school basketball team, the same school where I graduated, did not have a very good season. In fact, it was probably the worst season in school history. It almost has to be, because they only won a single game.
And many of their games were not close. They either gave up too many points or scored too few points, or both. Which is an obvious problem.
To be fair, I never watched them play. It is possible, I suppose, that they really played hard and with a lot of fight and did some good things and just came up short.
I don’t think that’s the case, but I do want to be fair, since I didn’t see a game. And the point here isn’t to disparage the team or the coach, it’s just to set the stage for this week’s story.
I was discussing this with someone and they asked me, “At what point do you start to hold someone accountable for this?”
This is the coach’s first year and we both agreed that the first year can be tough and you probably don’t want to get rid of someone right off the bat. But how much do you hold them accountable to and when do you get more serious about your accountability? How much rope should they have?
As someone who didn’t watch any games, I might approach that meeting with some significant assumptions. Even if I was the Athletic Director, and I had watched games, I might assume certain things to be true or untrue, present or missing, simply based on the results that had been posted. I might assume certain things about their practice habits, or the coaching, or the relationships.
Doing so would create some certain bias that I had when sitting down with the coach to discuss the season.
I believe the best way to approach something like this, is to start with curiosity. Not an assuming curiosity or a rhetorical curiosity, but genuine curiosity. I read this recently, and can’t remember who the author is to give proper credit. It defined curiosity as:
“A humble posture that accepts the reality that we don’t know all we need to know”
I thought that was a pretty great definition. What if we approached these types of conversations, when we might be frustrated with the outcome we are seeing, and rather than assuming someone’s intent, work ethic, process, or investment, we took on a humble posture and understood that we didn’t yet know everything we needed to know?
Of course, this is not an encouragement to let everyone off the hook, or to not have high standards. It’s a fact finding mission based on questions and curiosity. And when you have the facts, you can respond accordingly.
But not before you have the facts. And not while you assume the facts.
Back to the coaching example…
I realized that if I were the Athletic Director and I had some concerns about the way things were going, that I would learn a great deal more by asking questions and listening for the answers.
How the coach responded to my curiosity would be much more telling than how he responded to my yelling or frustration or accusation. In fact, I might be made a fool and miss out on an opportunity to coach, correct, or instruct, if I lead with my assumptions.
But my questions, those can be calm, and humble, and curious, and patient, and they can draw out responses and understanding that my assumptions never could.
Our questions allow us to better understand someone’s thought process, intent, decision making, response to challenge, excuses vs. ownership, and whether or not they’ve given any thought to how they can improve.
As a leader, it can be easy to jump in and fix things. It can be easy to get mad and yell and force correction. It can be easy to assume we know what was done, why it was done, and what that must say about the person or people involved.
But leadership isn’t usually easy and taking the easy route when it comes to leadership is often a dangerous road to walk.
We’ll learn more about others and ourselves if we’ll lean into the challenge of patience, curiosity, and discovery. And we’ll be better leaders because of it.
I’m pulling for you,
Bryan
I think, write and coach on leadership, business, and personal development.
I partner with dedicated leaders to help them lead, grow, and build in a way that is both sustainable and aligned with their values.
You can learn more about me and check out my business coaching services at www.efournine.com.
